


Proposal

by Lieju



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Crack, F/F, i interpret heinkel as intersex woman, not that it's obvious here, written for femslas february
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 14:09:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9660665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lieju/pseuds/Lieju
Summary: Yumiko makes an observation.





	

 

 

Heinkel had never planned to get married.

 

Sort of came with the whole package of being a Catholic priest. (Or a nun, depending on whether you felt like correcting Heinkel. Most people didn't. Especially with a Desert Eagle or two aimed in one's general direction.)

 

True, killing heretics and monsters for Christ wasn't in the job description for most priests either. Or sex. _Lesbian_ sex. But they were the Iscariot, disciples who were not disciples. Don't ask, don't tell, and all that.

 

She and Yumiko and Yumie had their thing. It was unconventional but why not? They knew every assignment could be their last.

 

"Heinkel?"

 

"Hm?"

 

Heinkel looked up from her morning coffee at Yumiko who was sitting across her at the hotel room table.

 

"Mmh so I've been thinking-"

 

"Thinking?"

 

Yumiko pushed her glasses up. "So, I was talking to Sister Margaret."

 

"Before or after you had to cut off her head?"

 

"Before. And I know, she turned out to be a satanist nun so her grasp of the scripture was shaky at best-"

 

"Yumiko, we're not keeping the goat."

 

"BAAAH!"

 

Heinkel pulled her cassock out of the goat's mouth. "Bad sacrificial goat! Bad!"

 

"BAAAAAAA!"

 

"Petey didn't mean it!" Yumiko protested.

 

"We're _naming_ the goat now?" She should have never allowed Yumiko to take the goat from the satanist temple. They couldn't just run around the world saving animals, they were barely paid enough to protect the Mother Church from unnameable threats.

 

"He'll be good! A good boy!"

 

"Baah!"

 

Yumiko offered the goat a carrot from her plate. "Anyway! Some orders have their wows include the nun becoming a spouse for the Christ."

 

"Uh, huh? I don't remember marrying Jesus."

 

Heinkel had to admit, for a priest she neglected her bible studies quite a bit. It was mostly Hail Mary, few choice verses, Psalm 23:4, Jeremiah 29:11, the classics. As well as 2 Kings 2:23-25 because when you hang out around orphanages as much as she did sometimes you just needed to remind the misbehaving kids of that time God sent two bears to eat a bunch of impolite brats.

 

"No, but kinda, I was thinking, if you married Jesus, and I married Jesus, and then..."

 

Heinkel could practically see the gears turning as the nun tried to logic herself to the conclusion she had already decided on. "And then there's room for Jesus and-"

 

"You're saying we're married?" Heinkel decided to help, taking pity on the tortured logic.

 

"Yes."

 

"With Jesus?"

 

"Well I imagined him less as an active participant and more like a boss who lives next door and occasionally rollerblades past the window going 'cool' while giving a thumbs up."

 

Heinkel took her hand and looked her in the eye. "Yumiko?"

 

"Hm?"

 

"I'd love to marry you. Secret nun/priest-through-affiliation-to-Jesus-marry but still."

 

Yumiko flashed a smile. "Do I get the goat as wedding present?"

 

"No."

 

"BaaaH!"

 

"A _secret_ nun/priest/Jesus wedding present?"

 

Heinkel sighed. "Maybe if we can smuggle it back to Italy. And leave it at the orphanage. I'm sure the kids would love a pet."

 

 


End file.
